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Jeannie's discussions
Are you a Christian writer?
Added a reply 15 hours ago
How about we share a few edgy paragraphs or lines from one of our stories?
Added a reply Jun 2
How about we share a few edgy paragraphs or lines from one of our stories?
Added a reply Jun 2
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Profile
- Reader, writer, or both?
- I'm an avid reader and writer
- Favorite Genre
- Romantic Suspense
- About Me:
- I have been writing and telling stories in some form since I was a little girl. As long as I can remember all I've wanted to do is write. I am currently working on my first ,of hopefully many, romantic suspense novels.
Jeannie's Blog
Chapter 3 Partial
As she lay there motionless, he stole her innocence.
When Dani came to, she was being pinned to the floor
in her bedroom by her uncle, who was straddled above her tearing off her tank top, her faded denim shorts discarded on the floor.
For a moment all she could do was close her eyes.
Imagining that everything's alright. That she wasn't here. That she was someplace safe.
Sawyer, I need you. Please come back. Please help me. Please. She pleaded in her mind
as the terror washed over her. Cons… Continue
Posted on April 29th, 2008 at 9:30pm —
2 Comments
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Thanks SO much for letting me know -- it's a real lift as I sit here and struggle with plotting for book 4 (Katie's story), so I can't express how much I appreciate you taking the time to let me know. I am pretty excited about book 2 also, because it is my favorite of all three books in the series. Can't wait to see what you think!
Have a blessed week!
Hugs,
Julie
Make sense?
Here's a link to some information on vertigo that may prove useful.
Dean
The second installment on your Chapter 3 has been posted.
Dean
I've left the first critique installment for your Chapter 3.
Dean
I wanted to wait and give others a chance with your Chapter 3 before running my mouth ... er, pen.
I will assume you are still interested in some ideas, but given it's been a while, just let me know if you've moved on with your story.
I will probably give my input in stages, possibly over a couple of days, and try to concentrate on a few issues at a time.
Dean
Just stopped by to say hello.
Hope this finds you in good health and happy.
Jay
Here are a few ideas that fell out when I tipped my head in thought.
First, verify that you need the number of repetitions you have used. If nothing has changed but a smidgen of time (same location, no unexpected arrival of someone who could help [hears no door bell/voice, sees no light coming up the drive]) repeating may be meaningless (remember the casual definition of insanity [doing a thing over and over, while expecting a different outcome] is not the same as for fear).
Two tries may/should be enough for her to realize she’s on her own … except for God.
Second, of the remaining repetitions, verify they are placed in the absolute best location. This frequently leads to an additional elimination.
Third, change the sentence structure so that the words don’t repeat in the same order.
“Somebody help me.” “please ... help!” “he’s trying to kill me!” (I know, terrible examples)
Don’t call out for a specific person's return to save you. If you’re in danger, anyone should do. However, you may say something like “Oh , why did you leave me?”
Lastly, if possible, select a different WC (word choice) to add variety.
Use your intellect (first) then a synonym aid (second) to advantage.
The important thing is, you must do something. The number and type of repetitions used here will do your writing a disservice.
Hope this helps.
Dean
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