The "M" word

[Charles Funderburg]

Since this forum deals frankly with issues most Christians sweep under the carpet, I thought I'd bring one up.

Masturbation.

I'm not going to say whether it's right or wrong. The Bible doesn't explicitly say anything one way or the other. I imagine it could be an excuse not to engage in intimacy with your mate, if you're married. Or not to trust in God if you're single.

But one of my characters was exposed to pornography, and, going by "Every Young Woman's Battle" by Shannon Ethridge, this is typically a behavior brought on by exposure to sensuality or sexual images. I'm sure young people deal with this issue a lot these days, and since I'm sure there are some of you out there who write towards the teen/young adult market, I wonder how you do or would deal with this?

P.S. If this discussion gets deleted, or innapropriate, I'm fine with that.

[Dean Thompson]

Here's how it was portrayed in Burden of Faith.

Each time it was like this . . .
Each time, their first innocent brush of lips invariably led to more insistent expressions of their desire, and to the dream. It was Maria’s dream, and each time it came, she would struggle sadly back through the enveloping veil of her passion, back through the remnants of her resolve, back from the abyss. For her dream was of a child—their child. However, it was not to be conceived at this time or in this place.
Pushing Juan away, Maria’s heart cried at the rejection in his eyes. Softening, she melted once again into his arms and tenderly placed her hand on his manhood. “Come Juanito; let me do this for you.” Slowly at first, Maria moved with Juan in the now familiar rhythm they shared, until his body arched in completion.
His fevered passion spent, Maria held Juan in her arms and dreamed, as lovers will about their future. First, of course, would be the wedding, but then as soon as possible, would come the child.

More here: http://www.deanmagdalthompson.com

[Charles Funderburg]

In my book, it is more about 'making love alone.' Although the above example is sort of 'cheating' on the act of sexual intercourse. In my book, the protag, Evie is alone with her thoughts and desires.

Physical Desire’s voice had grown quite audible now, and was getting louder. “Give in … let me overtake you.” At first she trembled; then she started shaking, to the point where it was uncontrollable.
She tried to go to sleep, but the sound of Physical Desire’s voice pulsed and pounded in every nerve, sinew, and muscle in her body. Sleep eluded her. The thoughts of that evening, and this new sensation kept her mind wide awake. The voice was getting louder; more adamant with each passing moment. “Give In! I want to overtake you!”

The conversation raged on for what seemed an interminable length of time. “YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME” it said. Evil and menace were behind every word.
Physical Desire’s voice finally pounded against her, making her shudder uncontrollably until she cried out. Then, Physical Desire’s voice grew suddenly quiet.

I know one thing: you certainly couldn't discuss this on the ACFW forum. My only question is, should I have described it more (in terms of her having her hand (literally) in the matter), or should I leave it where it is?

[Kat Heckenbach]

I don't know that I would have totally understood what you meant by this passage had you not explicitly (no pun intended) said what it referred to. But, I don't think there should be a play-by-play either.

There are YA books out there that do address this issue--Judy Blume's stuff for example, which was years ago. That probably wouldn't help ya much though, because her books are so far off in genre from what you are writing. I haven't found it in any of the YA/teen stuff I've read lately, but then I tend to go for thrillers/fantasy and not so much "relationship" books.

That is definitely a difficult topic to include in a book. Not to make light of the issue, but I immediately had the Sienfeld episode pop into my head when I read this post--master of your domain...sorry, totally innapropriate :).

[Charles Funderburg]

LOL!

Oh, Kat, you crack me up! I remember that Seinfeld episode very well. The first time I watched it, we talked about it at work for a long time ... and laughed.

I was trying not to go blow by blow, but like you said, unless I had explicitly said what was going on, this passage would have been enigmatic to say the least. When I wrote it, I was cowering at what our good friends the CBA'ers would have thought. But maybe I'll give the reader a little better idea what is going on ... subtley. I must think of you guys in here as the audience, and not otherwise. I do better writing that way. ;-)

Another note: it'sinteresting that I like the 'relationship' stuff as a guy, and you like the thriller/fantasy more. There was a long discussion about this on the ACFW loop. I guess stereotypes about men and woman and their reading/writing habits are just that.

P.S. I do like thriller/fantasy, but I can't seem to get into writing them.

[Kat Heckenbach]

I like books with good character development--those are the ones I keep on my shelf--but not ones that are all about the relationships. If it's all plot, though, it's a read it and trash it book. I just like books more that have twisty plots, and surprises. I am definitely a plot writer--my first book is a mystery of sorts, with lots and lots of sub-plots that tie in together, and some stuff that ties into the next two books as well.

And you have to write for the audience that is going to read your books. I was reading something just the other day about that--can't remember where, but a Christian author was saying that she wrote a book with contoversial things in it, aimed at younger people who would be open to her ideas. She kept getting side-tracked in her writing, though, going off on tangents that she realized were her defending what she was writing, as though she was picturing the population that would take the other side of the issues. When she stopped worrying about who was NOT going to like her writing, and started focusing on her target audience with the assumption that they'd be open-minded, her book improved drastically.

[Charles Funderburg]

Kat said, "When she stopped worrying about who was NOT going to like her writing, and started focusing on her target audience with the assumption that they'd be open-minded, her book improved drastically."

Wow, Kat. That is confirmation from God. Others, including my wife, have told me to write what's on my heart. My writing could only get better because of it.

Thanks for the encouragment!

[Kat Heckenbach]

You're welcome :).

[Ruth Ann Nordin]

I think it's fine the way you wrote it. But I don't think masturbation is necessarily wrong. I think it's what is going on in our minds during it that would be a right or wrong. Then again, all sin starts in the thought process. I just think there are two sides to this issue. There are times when it can be good, like knowing how to get your husband/wife to please you if you're married, and if you're single, I see it as a way to release the pent up frustrations because my sexuality didn't start the minute I got married. It started in puberty. People have to know how to handle it.

Just my opinion. And I certainly didn't intend to offend anyone here.

[Linda Weaver Clarke]

It's not right in any form, whether married or unmarried. A person who indulges in such behavior has no control over his or her life and this desire begins to take over a person. It's like a drug. Before he or she realizes, they can't stop and are hooked. God expects us to be morally clean and this sexual drive is given to us to make a husband and wife closer in their relationship. It's a God-given way of expressing love. Masturbation is not acceptable in God's eyes.

[Charles Funderburg]

Linda:

I respect your view that a sexual drive is something that brings a husband and wife together, and in the context of a committed marriage relationship, can be something very erotic, passionate and wonderful.

When I was writing my piece in my story, I was depicting the character as having given in to temptation, and the effects of lust and sexual immorality. She masturbated because of the images in her mind that she had exposed herself to, causing her to being titillated for all the wrong reasons.

As for masturbation itself: Well ... inside a marriage a husband and wife can do whatever they want.
I think young people whose bodies have reached the point where their sex drive has awakend and single adults have the desire. Usually it is fueled by pornography or immorality. And I will admit,it doesn't help you to learn to trust your partner to fulfill your desires.

However, as a release for sexual frustration. Hmmm. That's rather fuzzy. I'm not sure you could ever masturbate purely as a way to relase tension. But every individual is different. Only God can judge the motives of the person.

[Kat Heckenbach]

Here's a great article on the topic: http://www.layhands.com/IsMasturbationASin.htm

At the end you'll notice a quote by Dr. James Dobson, and I know from reading several of Dr. Dobson's parenting books that he agrees with the statements in this article--that the Bible does not call masturbation a sin--it actually never addresses the topic.

As for your statement about it becoming an addiction--and the article addresses this very thoroughly--it's not the act that is the problem, but rather a person's addictive tendencies. You can't condemn the act because it could lead to addiction. I would venture to say there are WAY more people addicted to food than there are addicted to drugs. How about TV? Or the internet (even leaving out all the porn sites)? Some people get addicted to dieting, or exercise, or shopping! The potential for addiction is there for EVERYTHING. (Ahem, even writing...)

It is a subject that must be handled delicately in writing--I surely agree with that. And I believe Charles was doing that--showing that there is definitely a wrong reason for masturbation. I just don't think we can make a blanket statement that it is wrong under all circumstances, especially "in God's eyes" because He never actually says that in His Word.

[Charles Funderburg]

Excellent article Kat. Well thought out. All can be addicting, even sex within marriage! I was blown away by that!

I think the main point is that the sin in most acts is in the mind of the person committing them. Jesus said that adultery starts with how your mind reacts to looking at someone. Murder is committed when you hate someone. Masturbation could only be a sin if it is brought on by sinful thoughts.

It's like murder. In war, people are killed all the time, but in peacetime, people are killed as acts of violence, hatred, or in conjunction with robbery, or other criminal acts. So what's the difference? I've heard many men say that although shooting the enemy didn't bother them as much when they were at a distance. But when they could see the face of the one being killed, it bothered them -- immensely. Actually, I think this is a good thing, because it reveals that we all have a conscience, and when we see the person whose life we are taking, we ought to be disturbed. They are someones child, husband/wife, father/mother, etc.

Sin, therefore, starts and ends in the mind, and [the act of] masturbation is never really addressed in the Bible -- at all.

So, in conclusion, each of us must walk in a clean conscience before God. As Paul says, we simply mustn't do something that would cause another to stumble. That's the most important thing to keep in mind.